- I havent written in awhile! sorry! I have been sooo busy at work.... been going crazy, honestly my heart races all the time, i am super stressed, i feel like i am going crazy each and everyday.. its a feeling of uneasiness, of "will this feeling ever end"..... i dont want to be stressed..i am sick too. killer cough and last ngiht i bugged.. my right boob has been hurting me... before your period i know your boobs are more tender and they feel weird.. but last ngith i thought i was giong to die of cancer, im NOT kidding.. i panicked and started cryuing.. pete felt what i felt... it felt like a hard lumpy thing.... but then again it feels like that all over my boobs...its weird to describe.. last time i went to the gyno, a year ago or so, she told me that i nee to stop smoking and drinking caffeine bc i have lumpy boobs.. i didnt think anything of it.. last nuighjt i was laying in bed thinking, if i had cancer and lost all my hair from chemo, that would ruin my wedding, my life.. my chances for life.. NOw I DONT HAVE anything wrong with me that i know of, but i am THE BIGGEST HYPOCHONDRIAC... i have convinced myself that i have had teh worst of the worst diseases... i am the type of person who doesnt go to the doctor because if i did i would want them to keep running tests until they found something wrong with me... so i am fucked up in the head, i know this.... but seriously.... i dotn feel right.... i am going to the doctor... i have this killer cough, pete does too.... a few of my coworkers have it too.... anywhooo.... i have gotten extremely close with my neighbor and great friend M.... so close i was contemplating having another bridesmaid.. can i do that? after all this time of having the other girls my girls? i dont know... i love thsi new great friend in my life so much, we have a ball together... but i dont think it would be "right" to ask her now.. i dont know.. i recently came across some info that one of my friends whom is getting married soon has cheated on her Fiance.. she acts like everything is cool but her ex is friends with my other friends and apparently.. thats teh word on teh street. i almost feel betrayed by my friend.. i dont know why.. sometimes i want to just confront her... she prob would deny it... but comfront her, tell him.. I know, i cant do that.. but sometimes it jsut gets to me.. to have MARRIAGE.. sometime so sacred and be cheated on your signfigant other, who knows nothing of it.. its DISGUSTING.... anywhoo.. going for drinks tongiht.... i need a break.. i need time off.. starting next weekend i am booked solid with shit to do, weddings, bachlerette parties, xmas parties, fam get togethers.. damn the year is almost over. This year all in all was fucking kick asss...... i cant wait til next year! My friends dog is having pure bread chocolaegt lab puppes this week.. selling them for 75 bucks each.. god damn. i want one... pete and i are still house hunting.. we got approved for a nice chunk of change.. but in our area, it is nothing! jersey is soo fuckin expensive, everything is 500,000 minimum..... what about the people man? :) anywhoo ill write more tomorrow, promise Holla! |